One thing I have noticed since no longer working is that I have more time on my hands - and I don't always use it wisely. Too much time on my Face Book games and too much time to think. Sometimes, it is good to have time to be able to reflect on what is going on and to add prayers to those thoughts especially when they become too overwhelming. Sometimes, too much thinking can cause confusion. This week's thoughts have been both.
Since I emerged from the other side of Christmas, I've had much on my mind. Some of my other posts have noted my indifference to New Years Day, that it is the about the same as any other day to me. But this year, I've noticed a bit of a change of attitude shift. I'm looking at this year as a pivotal change in my life, a year of new beginnings. Maybe it is the upcoming proposed move to Tennessee. I just feel that things changes are on the horizon and that it is all good.
It's a good feeling because I've lived for a few months under a ceiling of uncertainty. As relieved as I have been to be out of nursing and the stress of that occupation, I've had constant concerns about finances. Being home with Mom more and less with others, I find life a bit lonely as Mom doesn't seem interested in carrying many conversations. In some ways, I feel less like a daughter and more like a nurse for her.
As I look around at the area where I have lived for a quarter of a century, I see so many memories. Memories of times past and loved ones gone. As much as I cherish these memories, I feel at times they hold me captive. It is time to move on; time to let go of things that no longer are and begin to embrace a new challenge, a new life.
It's also time to find out exactly who Melanie is; what her passions and dreams are. I seem to have lost all that somewhere. I'm trying to find it again.
As I said, it's been a thoughtful week.