Since I emerged from the other side of Christmas, I've had much on my mind. Some of my other posts have noted my indifference to New Years Day, that it is the about the same as any other day to me. But this year, I've noticed a bit of a change of attitude shift. I'm looking at this year as a pivotal change in my life, a year of new beginnings. Maybe it is the upcoming proposed move to Tennessee. I just feel that things changes are on the horizon and that it is all good.
It's a good feeling because I've lived for a few months under a ceiling of uncertainty. As relieved as I have been to be out of nursing and the stress of that occupation, I've had constant concerns about finances. Being home with Mom more and less with others, I find life a bit lonely as Mom doesn't seem interested in carrying many conversations. In some ways, I feel less like a daughter and more like a nurse for her.
As I look around at the area where I have lived for a quarter of a century, I see so many memories. Memories of times past and loved ones gone. As much as I cherish these memories, I feel at times they hold me captive. It is time to move on; time to let go of things that no longer are and begin to embrace a new challenge, a new life.
It's also time to find out exactly who Melanie is; what her passions and dreams are. I seem to have lost all that somewhere. I'm trying to find it again.
As I said, it's been a thoughtful week.
Some times it is good to just be still and ponder such things. Especially when you are at a crossroads in your life. As far as your mother, we kind of change rolls with them when they become elderly. We now mother them and they are the "child". Nursing...my daughter is in school to be a nurse! Good field, lots of stress. Maybe a move will do you good. New surroundings, new friends... Sounds like it's going to be a good year!
ReplyDeleteI don't know if I mentioned this before but Jeff goes to a group for care-givers since he helps with his mom so much and she is suffering from mild dementia. It's helpful to have other people to talk to about the stressful situation. I find the FB games helpful when I'm stressed as they take my mind off things so you can look at them as a diversion. (((Hugz)))
ReplyDeleteI agree with Darylynn about the FB games. You have worked a long and hard and I know it is not easy with your mom. So play the games to chill. I do miss adult conversations during the day since I have stopped working. But most of the time I am content. I will be praying for you during this adjustment time. Hugs and blessings
ReplyDeleteThis year may bring changes for us too and I'm praying for guidance and that imwill be ready to embrace change, it's all about attitude I think. I can choose to be joyful or I can think about all the negative things and why I don't want change! Of course I choose joy :-)
ReplyDeleteBeing a caregiver brings out so many emotions. One is that you don't feel you accomplish enough and you are missing out on something. It's okay. You are right where you NEED to be right now and it's okay to take your mind of things once in a while. The other side of that is, if you are feeling God tugging at your heart, it could be that He is wanting more of your time.
ReplyDeleteI have walked in the role of caregiver for about 6 years now. First with my father and mother as he struggled with dementia and she struggled with trying to care for him by herself while dealing with a blood disease.
Now I am caring for my sweet Momma as she walks through the Winter of her life and continues to deteriorate.
You are a great daughter and don't forget that! Big hugs to you sweetie!
Tänia of Simply God's Girl